Call Me When You're Sober
by xxxstatansblood666
Summary: Summary is inside. Please read and review.
1. Chapter 1

AN: do nut red if ur a prep!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111111111111 if u ar a prep den FUK OFFFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111111111

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hi mi nome iz Amaya(geddit cuz dat mens drak rain in japoneze aund i am goofic) Tristara Ebony Blackness Michaela Way(Im nut relateed 2 Gerrad Wya but i wish i wuz cuz he iz such a fukkkin sexbomb!!!!!!!!!!!!111111111111) and i ma in mah 7th yaer at hogwrats end now. i climed intoe da hagwarts sexprees trian compratment adn stcuk mi middlle figner up dat teh preps and poserz cuz i ahted dem. i iz goffik BTW. 2day i wuz waering a blak adn icy bleu corset-thiny wif a macthing blak miniy skrit and bloody red(geddit bloddy red cuz im gofffic!). i was wearing tons of blakc i liner wif whiite fonudashun.

i sew mah bset freind Ami Ley Kuroi(geedit cuz kuroi iz japaneez for blak adn she iz a goff lyk me) Rosa Smith. Ami used 2 b cralled hermioneh but she gut biteen bi(geddit cuz im bi! if u don't lyk me cuz off dat dem fuk off!!!!11111) a vamprie and cahanged er nome.

Aim Lay wuz waering a blak lether jackit wiff a red laether boob toob udnernaeth and dark grean cmobat pantz wif blak coombut bootz. she wuz waring bloddy red ishadow wif blakx adn whyte makup.

"Hay grrl" Ami Luy.

"Hlleo bitch." i sed 2 Ami.

sddenly a guy wif blak haer wif icey bleu stakes in it brust in2 our compratment. i new him. it wuz Satan Diabollo Riddel Mike Smith. Stantan used 2 b claled ron weasley bot hee chnaged his naem wen hee gut bttien. he assed iff hee cuold shit wif us but me and Aim sed taht he cuold sit wif us if he wsan't a perp or a pozer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111111111111

son teh hagwrats smexpress train arrvied at hogwrats und we ahd 2 git off da train.

AM: da nexxt cahpter wil b comeing sooon! plz r & r und if u flam u r a prep!!!!!!!!!1111111111111111


	2. Chapter 2

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Wen i gut off da trian soem1 bummed into me. "FUKK OFF U FUKIN PREP!!!!!!1111111111111" i shooted. tehn i saw hoo it wuz. it wuz

Demon Vampire Smith. Demon wiz callad dorco malfey once bit hee gut but bi an vampriz und chnaged his naem. demon had really drak gotfik hiar wif noen greeen streaks und a tee skirt wif godd kharlotte on it in blodd redd(geddit cuz im vamprize) righting. he wuz soo fukkin hot i jsut wanted 2 fuk him tehn und tehre!!!111111111111111111111

soem1 wuz satnding beehive Demon. it wsa Billie Joe Nirvana Cervantes Armstrong. i ddin't kno him dat wel but hee used 2 b calledd harjy potty and wuz an hero cuz he nearly kiled voldlymort, teh dork lord. he wuz allmost hottr tahn Demon cuz he locked jsut lyk billy jo form groan day and he wuz so fukkin shexy!!!!!!111111111111111

"hay, cunt!" Ami ley appared beehive mi adn gav me mi giutar case. i had letf it on da tairn bi accidnet. i snig in a bnad BTW, tit's callad 'Bloody Gothic Wrists' and i am teh laed sniger and Ami Lay plyas the base gaytar and Demon plays electrik gaytarr adn snigs soemtimes wif me. i asshole paly teh electrik giutur. We hav a brummer 4 our bnad and he is called Gerard El Diablo Bloody Rose. hee used 2 b callad nevarille longfuckingbottom but he aslo git butten bi a vamp and died his haer blak and put silver straeks init. he has a nose ring adn wares pele white founsdashun wiff blak and nvay bluu eyliner. he locked so fcuking hott. he used 2 be a prep but wee al new he waz a goff al allong.

"fangz beeatch(geddit fangz cuz im a vamp!111111)" i repleid 2 ami lay.

we want insid 2 da grat hall but it waz full fo prepz & pozerz. we al stcuk oru fukking middel fingerrs up at dem and sed taht dey were fukkin bloddy wankers cuz we're in engalnd adn if wee sed they wrer prepz tehy wuoldn't undastnad us cuz they r fukkin stoopid retrads.

wii went insid the big hall to aet cuz tahts wat evrey1 deos wen dey go 2 hagcuntwarts.


	3. Chapter 3

STOOP FlAMING STOOPID PWEPS!! U SUK!

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in da grat hall wee all sat down and ate. All of da vampirz were ateing blood wif count chocula cereal and eyebals. All da prepz wer etaing pnik dounots adn cake wif pink and whiite froosting. UGH!!1111111111 all da wapanese were eatin pocky and hello kittys. all da pozers wer drunking blodd but stil ateing da prepz food cuz dey wer fukkin pozerz.

after ateing we all went 2 our cumming roooms. Me, Ami, Demon, Billie, Gerard adn Satan wer in slytehrin cuz we wer goffik. all da goffs were in syltherin but there wuz soem pozerz in there 2. we hatied them. gryfinndoor wuz 4 all da hardcoer prepz and dey suck!!!!!111111111111111. hufflepoof waz full of prepz and pozerz but mostly perps. hoevar ravenclow waz ok cuz it had msotly goffs and hradly any poserz and no prepz!!!!!11111111111111111

sddudenly soem1 rapted me on teh sholder. it wuz billie. "hey Amaya do u wanna go 4 a walk cuz its raelly drak outsied."

"yeah, suer" i sed. i stared athim. he loocked so fukkin hott and wuz the spittin image of billi joel from grean daz. he wuz wering a top wif grean day on it(how ironci!!111111111111) and blak lether pants wif a rip in wif blak and redd conveerse so he locked lyk billi joe evan moar! there waz soem buttafleis in mah stomcah(goffik blak adn redd buttaflys, BTW). billy jo was such a fukking shexy sexboomb!!!!!1111111111111

me and billie wer wakling outsied on teh gruonds of hagwarts.

"so i herd u liek mudkips." billi sedd 2 me.

"yeahh mudkips r great" i replied bak.


	4. Chapter 4

I TLOD U PREPZ!!!!!!!!111111111111111111 STOP FUKKING FLAMING PREPZ!!!!!!111111111111111 U SUK!!1111111111

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"so Aamya do u liek pozerz & prepz?" billy jo assed me

"no pozerz and prepz r fukkin mothafukers." i replied bak 2 billy. i was trying 2 impress him cuz he was teh smexiest goffic guy hagwrats. tehre was stil soem buttaflies in ma stomcah.

billy jo laughde. "OMG Amaya u so ned 2 stop supplying teh lulz"

i luaghed nervously. ma goffik haert waz baeting rapidley adn ma body wnet all hot.

"so do u liek any1 hogwrats?" i asked him wisely and sexily.

"wel der iz this 1 gurl i leik.. but shee probebly deosn't leik me bak.." he repleid.

"oh.." i said all mystiriusly and sexily. "who is it?"

"...you." billy took a setp colser 2 me. he garpped ma butt and we frenched passivly. i learned agianst a tree and we started kissin evereywher and billi clambed on tap of me. we strated 2 hav teh secks. i evan took off mah bra.

And then...

"WHAT THE FUKKING FUCK OF ALL FUKKS ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHAFUKKERS?!!!!1111111111111111"

It was...dumbdickdore!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111111111111


	5. vampz wil nevar hut u

STOP FUKING FLASSIN FUKKIN PREPS!!!!!!1!!!!!!!!111!!!!!11111!!!!!!!1!!!!!11111111

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wen dumblydor saw us he waz pissed. he took us 2 his ofice and soem of da odder profossers were there. "wtf were u doing u lil' bastards?!!!!11111111" snoop dogg shooted us. lolz. soem odder perv profossor waz there 2 and he shooted at us. "u medocre fools!!!!!!!1111111111111111"

"yes, wat were u doing u fukkin scum horny fukkin simpletoons?!!!!!!!!111111111111" Profesor McGoogle qeustioned.

i was realli gettin pizzed off bi den cuz i wanted 2 sneek off campus 2 catch a plain 2 america so i colud buy soem goffik cloths from Hawt topik.

And then...

"i FUKKIN LOVE HER U MOTHAFUKKERS!!!!!!111111111" Billi jo scraemed them.

dumblydore had alzhiemers and he immediatly forgut wat wuz happenin so hee sed: "k, gut out u fukkin sluts and go 2 ur cumming room!!!!!!!!11111111111"

bak in da commin room i was so deprossed so i ran 2 my room and got out a nife and a steak. i waz jsut abot 2 slit mah rists but i saw soemone in frunt of me.

It was...Billi Jeo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111111111111


	6. Chapter 6

SOTP FLAMMIN PREPZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! U FUKKIN POZERZ!!!!!!!1111111111111111111111

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"hay grrl." billie sat don nex 2 me in mah coffin.

i wuz stil depossed cuz i dindn't get 2 sneek off campus 2nite so i ignoed billy and slut 1 of mah rists, drunking da blodd.

siddenly billy gerpped me and we strated frenching passicly adn sexily. den we both tock our cloths off and he put his boy thiny in mine. did i mention billi had a six-pak, lolz.

Ami Ley wazn't in mi room so it waz ok to do it wif billie. wel if shee waz it would b ok anywuy cuz we're both goffs aund vampz. Billy Jeo bit mi nek sexily(we were bith vampz so it dind't matter.) and i butt him bak. "Oh! oh! oh!" i scraemed gettin an orgasim.

wen we were done me and billi frenched passivly and billy left.

In da morning i woke up. it waz a fuckin sunny dai adn i waz soo pizzed of abot it. i got up outta mi goffik coffin and put on a loong blak and dark gren goffik corset dres wif saliva lace. i put skull earrins in 4 of mi eiar piceings and put a goffik lipring in.

sddunly thehre was a cock on the door. i answered it. "WTF do u want, mothefukka?" i assed tierdly.

it was Demon. he sed; "hay do u rememba wat we wore gong 2 do 2day?" he assed. he waz holdin a vidoe trape in his hand.

suddunley i rembered. "oh yeahh, we wer gong 2 make a bukkake pron video!!!!!!!!!!1111111111111" i got excitad at the thorght.


	7. Chapter 7

U FUKKIN PREPZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111111111111111 STOOP FLASSING OK!!!!!!!111111111111

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Me, Demon, Gerard and Satan wer makin a bukkoke pron vid all morning und we had jsut finoshed. we went drown 2 braekfast und i ate soem count chocula cerael. all da preps and da wapaneze were eating trix careal. i still had a bot of u-know-wat left on mi corset from da bakkake vid we wer makin. oh well.

by lunch it waz tim3 2 practose 4 our band. me, Demon and Amy Lay put on our gaytars and Gerad shat down wif his dram kit in frunt of him. We snag a cova of My Comical romance's song 'welcum 2 da blak parad.'

'wen i waz, a yung boi, mi farter, took me intoe da city, 2 see a mraching band..' Demon sang perfectly(he waz a realli god singa, he could go realli high without us havin 2 kick him in da balls lol)

it waz mi turn 2 sing. 'we're carri on, we're carii on, and though ur ded and gon belive me, ur memory wil carii on...!!11111111' I sang evan betta than demon. suddenly billi came in and i nearly lost mi voice. i managed 2 finish da song and wen we wer done i walked ova 2 him.

me and billy frenched paassivly but he stooped halfwai and assed if he cuold join da band. i realli wantid him 2 jion but there waz no places 2 left adn he waz a crap snigger. he cuold play giutor realli well but we alreadi had 2 guitirs in da band and a base gaytar. dat makes 3 guitars. we don't ned anotha drumma either.

we had finshed bnad practice so me and ami lay went bak 2 our rooms. i grabbed a boxcutta and strated 2 slit ma rists cuz i felt so drepressed. Ami ley put on soem j-rok cuz dat iz lyk so goofic.


	8. brin me 2 lif

STOP FUKING FLASSING OK PREPS!!!!!!!!!!!111111111111111 OK IM GUNNA SLIT MAH RISTS EVREYTIM I GET A BAD REVOIW!!!!!!!1111111111 BTW IM NUT UPDATING TILL I GUT 5 GOD RAVOIWS!!!!!!!!11111111111

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i wok up teh next day adn took a goffik shower and then a goofik bath full of blooddy goffik blak rose petols. i slit mah rists in teh bath so i cuold bathe in mah own blodd cuz dat is lyk so awsoem and goofik adn i leiked 2 bath in mah own bloop.

wen i got out teh bath(i didn't hav 2 pot any clohs on cuz me adn ami ley wer both bi and we dind't car if we wer naked or anithin.) i waz steak naked and ami ley ied me up. "lookin god gurrl" she sed 2 me.

"fangz, u lok kawaii urself"(geddit fanz cuz im a goffik vampirz!!!!!!111111111111111111111). i replod bak 2 her.

i srated 2 put on a sexi drak blue goffik lacy bra wif matching panttz wif lether on dem. suddenly soemthing splashed on mi window. it waz yellow and sticky. "HEY!!!!!!!!!!11 U MOTHAFUKKERS I SED I DIDN'T WANT BOKKAKE 2DAY!!!!!!111111111111" i shhooted out da window. den i saw it wasmn't any of mi freinds. it waz Loopin and professar Slutborn!!!!!!!!!!!!111111111111111111 (Snoop wasn't ther cuz he waz actally kool and let us smoke weed wif him!!!!1111111111111) anywayz loopin had jsut finished mastabating 2 me and wat happend was that his cem had splashed all ova mah window!!!!!!!!!!1111111111111 And Professa Slagborn was video tapin it!!!!!!!!!!!1111111111111111111

"GET DA FUKK AWYA FROM ME U MOTHERFUKKKERS!!!!!!!!!!!111111111111111" i yeilded as they flew up closr 2 mah opan windo on their brumsticks. "i threw mah spare gaytar at dem and it nocked slutborn off his broomstik.

i ran from da window and put on mah blak and noen gren corset wif blak 3-quarta legth lether pantz. suddenley evereythin went drak cuz i had slit mah rists 2 much and i prassed out.


	9. Chapter 9

STOP FUKKIN FLAMING PREPZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111111111111111 IM NUT UPDATIN TIL I GUT 5 GUD REVIOWS!!!!!!!!!111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111

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wen i came to i waz lyin in a hospitul bed in da hospitil wing. Ami, Satan, Billie, Gerard, and Demon wer all standin ova me. "WTF?!" i inquired.

"u passed out afta slittin ur rists 2 badly" Ami Ley sed. "OMFG Amaya u r so goofik!!!!!!!!!!11111111111111"

"u wouldn't wak up 4 hours" Billi sed worridly.

"we herd u talkin in ur sleep" sed Gerad.

"yeh u wer sayin soemthin abot voldiemort or somethin" Deamen saed.

"wel u betta get out da bed bitch cuz we gotta go 2 Professa Desdenmona's class!!!!!111111111" sed Amy Lay in za goffik voice.

"OMFG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111111111111111111111111" I shooted. Prossfessa Desdenmona waz mi favorite teacker eva. She waz goffik lyk me and is realli pretty and also half japneze!!!!!!111111111 She's techin us japaneze 2 as wel as divination!!!!!1111111111 i waz so excited 2(i secretly had a cruhs on her cuz she waz so hott and don 't farget i am bi).


	10. Chapter 10

ACTALLY I DON'T CAR ANYMOAR IF ALL U PREPS & POZERZ AL FLAM CUZ UR FUKKIN MOTHAFUKKERS!!!!!!!!!!!!111111111111111111111111111111111111111111

STOP FUKIN FLASSIN OK U FUKIN PREPZ!!!!!!!!!1111111111111

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we went 2 Proffessa Desdemona's class adn i waz so frikkin ecxited!!!!!!!!!111111111111 i had da bigest crush on her eva cuz she teachis us jopaneze and she waz skiny enuff 2 b anorexic and shee had a realli nice boody wif big bobs and evrythin and had da cutest butt eva!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111111111111111111111 she waz half jopaneze lik i sed befor but she had a goofik naem.

"Hajimeshite everyone desu." she sed(Hajimeshit iz japonesse 4 how do you do).

"Konichiwa Desdonmona-sensei"(dat mens hello and sensei is techer) i sed 2 her, bowing adn puttin on mah beest japenesse axcent. 2day she had beatiful long dark brown hair dat fell 2 her waist. (she can change her apprance cuz her magik is realli poweful) i wantid 2 stroke it cuz it waz so shiney.

me and mi fiends shat down on soem goffik sheats. cladss went realli quik bcause Proffa desdonmena is suhc a grat techer. me and mi freinds got broed cause everey1 else in da room was prepz & poSerZ and they cuoldn't do they're work as fast and as goffik as us.

me and billi frenched passively (proffesar desmnona lets us french cuz shee iz goffik und undastands us) and den we stooped wen we herd soem1's vioce.

"claass fucking dismissed evreyone, sayonata" (c sayenata mens goodby in jopanezze) progffa desdonmeno sed.


	11. away form me

STOP FLAMING OK PREPS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111111111 FUK U ALL I DON'T GIV A SHIT IF U FLASS CUZ U R AL MOTHAFUKKIN PREPZ & POZERZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111111111111111111111

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wen we got outta class billi sed he wunted 2 speak wif me. so me und billy went down da path 2 za forbutten forest und bille leaned in closa 2 me. we frenched passivley and den he put his boyz thiny in mine adn we fdid it 4 da second time.

soon we had 2 go 2 lunch. i ate som blod pie and drunk a glass of blod. then dumblydore strated speakin. i ahted him. he was such a prep

wen every1 finushed lunch i couldn't see any of mah frieds anywher.

And den...

"OH! OH! OH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111111111111111" Loopin waz fukking Proffesa Slutborn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111111111111111

"WHAT THE HELL R U DOIN U MOTHAFUKERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111111111111111111" I scraemed at dem.

i had band practise 2nite. I sexily put on mah gayta and so did Ami Ley. Demon waz there und so wiz Gerard and Satan but Bili waz nowhere 2 b seen adn i got worrided cuz he ALWAYZ cam 2 banad practise. Mayb he waz slittin his rists?

"wel if u wanted honestey tahts al u hav 2 say!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111111111111111111111" I snag a cover of 'im nut ok i promise' perfectly becuz i had voice of a demon(i wuold say a-n-g-e-l but dat is preppy aand plus im a satanits so i say demon).

sddenly i strated to cry tears of blod down mi pallad face in da middel of singin da chorus. i ran out the room. i wanted 2 see Billie. im nut ok i promise by my Comical romance waz _our _snog. passively.

i ran 2 billiy's room but he wsan't theere. in goofik writing on the walls waz 'IF U EVA WANT 2 SEE UR BELOVED BILLI AGIAN DEN KILL DUMBLYDICKDORE.'

"OMFG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111111111111111111111" i grasped.


	12. Chapter 12

FUK AL U PREPS UND POXERZ!!!!!!!!!1111111111111111111111111111111111

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"OMG WUT IS IT?!!!!!!!!1111111111111" Ami Ley brust into da room.

"LOOK BITCH LOCK AT ZA FUKIN WALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111111111111" I CREAMED BAK aMI LeY. "OMFG BOLDAMORT IS GONG 2 KILL BILLI IF I DNOT KIL DIMBDICKDORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111111111111111111"

" WHO CARES DUMBLYDORE IZ A PREP ANYWAYZ !!!!!!!!!!!!!11111111111111111!!!!!!!!!1111111" shooted Demon.

"I'LLLLLLLL KILL DUMBBIKDORE!!!!!!!!11111111111111111111111111" SNOOP SHOOTED!!!!!!!!!!!111111111111 "i HAVE 2 KILL HIM ANYWAY BECUZ IN DA HALF BLOOD PRINCE I KILL HIM LOLZ!!!!!!!!!!111111111111111111"

suddenley voldamot brust intoe da room on his flying bromstick wif billiy tried up.

"OMG VOLDAMOOT HAS HIM BONDAGE!!!!!!!!!111111111111111111111111" I shotted.

Pukling out ma wand, i pointed it voldiemat. "CROOKSHANKS!!!!!!!!!!!111111111111111" i yeilded.

Volldiemut had a 'dude-ur-so-stoopid' look on his faace. "dude, dat magik of urs don't harm me cuz i am da mightly dork turd!!!1111111111111111"

i tried 2 be an hero and untie billie but his boondge ropes wer 2 tight so i gav up.

sudeenly Loopin cam into da rom eatin some cheese. he didn't no voldamort da grat drak lord waz ther so he said "hay guys wassup!!!!!!!1111111111111111"

Loopin gut so surprised dat teh iihgty dark turd waz there that he tripped up and za cheese he wuz eatin hit volzamort in da face.

"NNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111111111111111111" Voldiemot yeileded. "CHEEZE IZ MAH 1 WEKNESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111111111111111111"

volzamort strated 2 melt. "I'll b bak!!!!!11111111111111111" he shooted us. And den he melted 2 da groond and all dat waz left waz his bropstick adn his goffik cloths.


	13. Chapter 13

STUP FLASSIN OK U STWOOPID PREPZ OK!!!1111111111111111 U FOCKIN POZERZ!!!!!!!!11111111

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"OMFG" i scramed. "Loopi the prep just mad voldamort go away!!!!!!!11111111111111111"

"Yeh, who coulda ever quessed dat his 1 wekness waz chheeze" sed Gerard in za goffik vioce.

i sexily used mah wand 2 untie billi. he gut up from da flor and we frenched pavvssively.

Later Me, Gerared, Stanan, Ami, Billi, Demon and Loopin(after saveing us form volaturdmort we conviced him 2 tun goffik) wer plying Tony Hawks Underground 2 on da PS2 cuz dat is lyk so goofik and aftawards we played seom horra games leik Hauntin grond and Faytal Frame cuz they r horror games for da PS2 and they r lyk so goofik and Ps2 is asshole gookffik. Den we watched a deprezzin movie callad da corpse bird and den we watched bambi cuz dat iz evan more deprezzin. In da middel of it al Snoop Dogg came in and gave us seom cannibiz and popcron. We al played da goffik Pratstation 2 toegether(it waz a special goofik ps2 4 goffs) and wathced seom deprezzin movies. Snoop and Demon leiked da Hoes of Wax movie cuz it (was a prono). wel it had prasis hilton in it evan though she is a preppy bitch slut but stil it waz deprezzin.

Me and Billi frenched passiveley for lyk, da 100, 000th time in dis hole stroy.


	14. imaginari

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STUP FUKIN FLASSIN OK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111111111111 U SULK PREPZ!!!!!!111111111111111111111

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Teh next morning i wok up wif billi in mi coffin. Ami Ley had gut drunk and slept wif Neville(Who is now callad Gerad lolz) and dey wer in Ami LLAy's coffin 2getha.

i wok up and put on a rot und schwarz corset(geddit cuz dat means 'red and blak' in german und german iz lyk so goofik lol).

I put on a blak lether thong und a lether miniskirt dat sed 'Godd Churchlatte' on the butt. You might fink Im a tart but I'm realli nut.

Then i put on sum pink fishsets and overasized combot bootz and didn't botha wakin up Ami or the others(All of dem had crashed in mi room da night before becuz dey probubly had hangovars.) and i went don 2 eat brekfast.

4 brekfast i ate soem Count Chocula mixed wif a goffik version of trix wif blod instead of milk and a wine glass wif blod mixed wif speshul vampirez red wine.

Suddenly some1 tarpped me on da shuolder. "OMG GET DA FUK OFF ME POZER!!!!!!1111111" I shooted.

"Hay, gurrl, it's me" Statan sed.

"Oh, dats ok den, cuz ur nut a pozer or a prep liek those PREPZ WHOO R GIVIN MI STROY ON BAD REVOIWS!!!!!!!!!111111111111" i shooted.

"Aw don't worri gurl cuz der prepz." (Stanan wuz bi so he waz realli sensitive becuz sencitive bi guys r leik sooo hut!!1111111111)

"Anywayz wut do u want, mothafuker?" i sed anywayz.

"wel... ders a new goffik shop in hagsmeade so mayb we can all snek off campus and go der 2 buy soem hawt knew goofik cloths."

"OMFG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111111111111111111111111" I creamed.


	15. Chapter 15

OMG GUYZ IM SORRI I DDIN'T UPDAT!!11111111111111111111 AND STUP FLASSIN OK!!!!!!1111111111111111

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Da next day we wer al in hogsmed goin to za goofik cloths store liek Stanan sed 2 go 2. we skunk off campuss 2 go 2 it. Wel actshully Dorko(he chnaged his name 2 Demon remember) had a flying cadilac so we snuck off da campus and den he summonded it wif his speshul magik powerz and we rode in it all da way 2 hagbleedz.

Wen we gut ther we loked for da goffik store. It wuz called Bloody Gothic Ripped Black Rose 666. "OMFG it locks realli goffik i hop ther r no pozerz!!!!!!!!!!1111111111111111111111" i secreamed excitedley.

wen we went insid it wuz jsut leik hot tiopic but bigga and betta. It had goofik dresses and crosets, roses eveywhere(bloody gothic 1's BTW) blood, gotivk lether, goffik jews and goffik blaks things and more goofic tuff u can eva imagin.

I had stolen alot of money form dumblydore and Snoop Dogg so i bought evereythin i wanteid. Garad adn Demon wer tryin on seom cloths(dey wer both bi so they leiked tryin on cloths sensitiv biii giys r leik soooooooooo hot!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111111111111111)

wen we gut bak we al went 2 mi room.

And suddenly...

"OMFG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111111111111111111"


	16. goon under

OMFG I M SORRI ABOT NUT UPDATEN OK!!!!!!!!!!!!11111111111111111111111111 AND BTW STUP FLASSIN OK PREPQS!!!!111111111

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Billi wuz in da room nect 2 us. We fiound him lying on za flor wif realli bad gahgshes in his arms. "ZOMG HE'S LYK SO REALLI GOOFILK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111111111111111" I CSR4EAMED.

He had ben slitin his wrosts da whol tim 'cuz he wuz deprossed. (He wuokldn't doe becaus he wux a vampirez)

den we had 2 go away cuz we had 2 go 2 crass. "lets just leav him here" sed gererad. we hav 2 go to grass and we've got snap, our favorite techer.

Snoop was our potsions techer, he waz a goffik vampire\ and he has za nose pissring adn he wears blak eyelinea aand blak liplinea. We ahad his clas next and Amii Le and me both hav a cursh on him.

"ZOMG!!!!!!!!11111111111111111222" I scremead excitedly

an: ok guis da next chapta iz cumming soon ok!!!!!!!111111111111111 plz red and reviow!!1111111111111


	17. AURRTHUR NUTE 1111

Auforr not

Ok guiz soory i haben't bin updaten i waz on vacashun wnd i foogot all about dis stori!!!111!11!1!!!1

ill updat soon promise so kep reviowin and reding!!11111111111111¬¬¬¬¬

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	18. Chapter 18

dhgxhfcjjk

OMG GUISE I'M BALK WIT SUM BRNAD NII CHAPTAS

Also, MCR SUK!!1111111111111111

FUK ALL U REVOIWERS YUO R ALL CNUTS!111 SUK OFF HAIRI CUNT MUTHAFUKEERS

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we wnet to proteins class, wit snap, whu we had za cruhs on.

der was no one in da class ewn we got der. snap waz heret and so was me end bloodee narie, my totaly goffik arwsome feind. snap was sittin in a chair and he utrned ruond in it. "i've bin exciping yuo" he sed, kinkily. he waz wering a blak und red goffik robe, whit silvea pentnagrams und heartagrums(OMGF HiM UND VILLE HALO R SO HOT!!111111). he struted to undress, he was

werin nottin undaneathe his robe. he had a dork mark on his huge throbbing cock. I gasped. "what da flyin fuk iz goon on herez?!1111"

suddenlo he shot tenticles oot of ihs wand to bondage me und blodly mary. at firs i thot he waz jus smooking teh cruck he alwaz smokes and waz tryin to iniciate wut he swa on a hnetai movie. but he waz actualli evil an d was gonna tie us up becuase teh dark lord wallmart wnated 2 kil us.

he used magik 2 strip of mah blak corsett. my hug hentai-esquee titays flopped out. he di tha same 2 lbody marii und striped off boht oof us. i waz acutalli gettin hrony at dis so i shooted at him

"OH SNAP U NO PREFECTLY WEL I AM A WHORE I WNAT UR CUM IN MY HOLES AND MORE REVIOWERS 2 TAKE DIS FANFIC SERIOUSLI FOR TEH LOLZ"

snap shot oot moar testicles from his want at bloodee mau. dey went rgiht up her you-no-wut, and came oot her mouth

i waz stil on da flor, tied up. snap came ova end tlod me to suk his dik.

i liked tha hed of hiz you-no-wut!!11 it felt so gud in mi moth.

i tuk all of it in and he cumed in mah moth. hiz cum waz all blak bcuase he waz gottik to, and i coudln't swallo all of it. it ran don to mi big tits.

...

MOAR NECT TIME!!111 DIS STORI IZ GETTIN HAWT!!1111


	19. Chapter 19

hgfc,dx

snap smeared lube on2 hiz u-no-wut!!111 and bnet m ova leik da whore i am. he held mah hair while he shoved his PEN15 up my asshool. i creamd in ecccccstasi.

"o yeh u leik mudkipz leik dis dont u bitch" he taesed me.

"mmmmm giv me moar of dat cok" i repied

menwhile halfwit had came in and saw snap holdin boht me and blody mawie bondage. he tuk of his clthes too becuase he waz so hrony seeing me and ami ley nekked, and snap, bacuase he jus wanted 2 suk his massiv cok und hav it up his huge(rember hagfagrid is a giant) goatse asshole.

halfwit was fukkin bloddy mary in the cowgirl position, even tho snaps testicleys wer still up her pussi(und cuming out herm mouth).

...

OK SORRI THIS CHUPTA IZ SHOT I HAVE KNOW INSPARASHUN!!11111111111111111


	20. IM ANSWREING MY REVOIWS!

dshgdkghkdg

OK GUYZ AZ OF NOW DA STORY IZ COMPLET BECUZ I CUNT FINK OF NETHING 2 ADD!

...

so i wil answer mi oh-so-adoring fanz reviows

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A-Hard-Days-Night  
2007-01-20  
ch 1

Is this supposed to be a fanfic? I can't understand a single word in there. Perhaps you should place it under the 'e-language' section.

- There's an e-language section? Golly!

SyicoChica  
2007-01-20  
ch 1,

Is this story a joke?  
If it's not, then I'd like to say it has interesting content. However, it's incredibly hard to read, and the title is spelled wrong, unless that was spelt like that on purpose. One way to attract readers is to keep everything in the summary looking neat, and grammatically correct, and in the story even neater.  
Plot wise, the story is interesting. but it doesn't explain a lot.  
As an afternote, it might help not to refer to people as 'preps' and 'posers'.  
If I am being incredibly daft (which I probably am) and this is just some kind of prank then ignore me.

--Syico Chica

- Yes, miss SyicoChica, yes, it is.

.oh-so.synthetic.  
2007-01-20  
ch 1

abuseYou know, I haven't EVER been mean to ANYONE on this site, but... Here's some harsh yet true advice:

Get over yourself. People are people. Labels suck. If you don't want "preps" or "posers" or read your fanfic, don't even freaking post.

Spelling and net speak. Seriosuly, dude, are you failing your english class?! I couldn't understand anything.

You're very stereotypical; if you, in real life, call yourself "gothic" (please note how I spelt that), they don't actually care about who's what. My best friend is "gothic" but she could give a dang less about any labels or anything. Even I, who's labeled as "skater/emo" by my friends and such, don't give anything!!

And, also, why are you having all of these celebrities from real life in England at Hogwarts?! And, wizards/witches don't use electricity, my dear. Therefore, they don't exactly play the electric guitar. Another thing, it's Amy Lee. Not Ami Ley.

Oh, almost forgot. Don't relate these things to Satan. Truck loads of people here support differents religions where, some of which, they feel very strong about Satan, and, in turn, it does offend some people.

Really, satansblood, do every writer and reader here a favor because I'm sure you've offended plenty on here by what you've said- get a better attitude, improved grammar and spelling, and write accurately enough so that none of the characters are OOC. Plus the exclamation points and then ones are very... "noob" like and un-necessary, kiddie.

Oops, I guess I'm a "prep" because I sort of flamed. Whoops, but you're no better, Miss I'm So Superior and Goth That I Hate Preps and Posers. By the way, it's FLAME. Not flam, smart one.

Hope that helped! Now have a nice day now, ya hear?

The Original wOlfiE

- Wow, I guess some people on this site do practice good manners and courtesy. "By the way, it's FLAME. Not flam, smart one." ..Oh? Do I detect a hint of sarcasm?

Still-Citylights  
2007-01-20  
ch 1

You're the same fukin idiot who wrote that awful story "My Immortal"  
God...I thought from the 30+ flames that you had given up writing, but sadly...I guess you're REALLY REALLY STUPID!

However, I do agree with you on one thing: Gerard Way is hot.

But you're the worst writer in the history of the known universe! Get a life you suicidal -bomb!

- "But you're the worst writer in the history of the known universe!" I know, I am, aren't I. Especially when you put "You're the same fukin idiot.." It's spelt "fucking." "Get a life you suicidal -bomb!" So.. is that what you'd say to an actual suicidal person? Tell them to get a life? Ha.. I guess. But not in that context.

Crazedlover16.5  
2007-01-20  
ch 1

WHAT THE are you THINKING?!  
I can't even understand half the you're talking about!  
AND I AM NOT A PREP...I am a loner

- I'm a loner too D

Blonde Ravenclaw  
2007-01-20  
ch 1

Do you mean goth? No offense, but did you read the rules for this site? You're not supposed to use chatspeak and I can just barely read this.

- XD

God, answering reviews bore me. I shall only post the lolworthy ones from now on.

CHanceinamillion  
2007-01-20  
ch 5

WHAT THE MOTHER IS THIS, THIS IS THE WORST PEICE OF I'VE EVER READ; AND THATS SAYING SOMETHING. YOUR PROBALY NOT EVEN GOTH JUST SOME POSER WHO TAKES LABELS A LITTLE BIT OVER THE TOP. THIS STORY SUCKS YOU SHOULD NOT WRITE NOT BE ALLOWED TO USE THIS WEBSITE AND NOT EVEN BE ABLE TO USE THIS FREAKIN LANGUAGE OR ANY FOR THAT MATTER. I agree with what Deathgirl997, FuNkIeXkITiE, Ghostfoxx2oxx,The IRish Mob, .black.ice.wolfie, and marauder-chick 101 said. They're all right

- To be honest, I think you took this story a little bit over the top. XD

Miss-Padfoot-Lupin  
2007-01-20  
ch 4

"dumbdickdore!1"

LOL!

"...you." billy took a setp colser 2 me. he garpped ma butt and we frenched passivly. i learned agianst a tree and we started kissin evereywher and billi clambed on tap of me. we strated 2 hav teh secks. i evan took off mah bra."

ROTFL!

This is the funniest I have ever read!

Bravo, Tara! Brava! Claps

- I laughed too, when I was writing it.

emma  
2007-01-22  
ch 12

sweet lord you have gotten 42 reviews in 2 days.and im just adding to the list!watch out for taras lawyers!

and

HP fan  
2007-01-22  
ch 11

Come on now Tara its time you got yourself sectioned.

- Stop calling me Tara! D

Kate  
2007-01-21  
ch 5

Awesome parody, I love the random 'Snoop Dogg' insert.

- Thank you. :)

Puck -X  
2007-02-04  
ch 5

This is excellent!

How can anyone think she author does this seriously, have you noticed all the names and insults (, cuming room), are correctly spelled?

This is one hell of a hoax and to keep on going is seriously admirable.

Put in some religious fanatism, will you?

- Wow, one of a handful of intelligent people on this site.

The Jenx  
2007-05-23  
ch 1

XD So I don't know what's funnier- your fic, or all the reviewers who are taking it seriously.

- Neither do I.. XD

Remus-x-Sirius-Is-My-OTP  
2007-07-19  
ch 7

"he could go realli high without us havin 2 kick him in da balls lol)"

I'll admit it. That made me laugh.

"me and billy frenched paassivly"

WTF does 'paassivly' mean? It pops up in all of these 'goffik' stories and I have NO GODDAMN IDEA what it means!

- That made me laugh, too. :D

A. Nonny-Mouse  
2007-12-30  
ch 17

abuseApplauds

My, we are a well fed troll, aren't we?

It's not Tara, people, it's taking the out of Tara. Hence for those who haven't worked it out, Snoop Dogg. Tara misspells Snape as Snoop in one place; this author has made it manifest. One thing you don't quite get is that I think Tara clearly uses a spellchecker, at least some of the time - as far as I can see the only explanation for such gems as "passive Frenching" - she presumably attempted to type "passionate" into a spellchecker and picked whatever it came up with. This occurs elsewhere in her opus, "masticating" famously. So there is your aspect that can be improved, otherwise a fine troll, but 7/10 for that reason.

Love and kisses.

- "Tara misspells Snape as Snoop in one place; this author has made it manifest." ..Somebody noticed! D

Mel  
2008-07-06  
ch 3

abuseOnce you said "so i herd u liek mudkips", all my doubts were removed.

Obvious troll is obvious.

- Obviously. I was trying to be obvious from the start. You could say I was parodying the trolling parodies that have appeared since Tara's masterpiece became world-famous.

Sw33t D4rk Ange1z  
2008-05-05  
ch 16

Crystal: Hi Tara, you illterate ...guess what..it's us again! So please tell me...why how may more accounts are you going to make...Hm...oh and when are you going to commit suicide...you keep promising it to us a lot...have you bought a dictionary yet...well judging by this story I would say... HELL NO! YOU ARE STILL POLLUTING WITH YOUR FOUL ! AND GUESS WHAT...I'M DSYLEXIC TOO! BUT I HAVE JASMINE TO HELP ME WRITE! YOU JUST HAVE YOURSELF BECAUSE YOU'RE A PATHEITC LITTLE LOSER WITH NO FRIENDS!

Jasmine: YOU, YOUR SISTER AND YOUR BEST FRIEND NEED TO STAY OF THIS SITE FORVER! OH AND BY THE WAY...I HAVE A STRONG SUSPICION THAT YOU ARE ALL THREE PEOPLE STUCK TOGETHER...WANNA KNOW WHY...BECAUSE YOU ARE LONELY LOSER WHO WISHES TO BE LIKE ONE OF HER MARY-SUES! AND GUESS WHAT...WE ARE NOT PREPS! WE WEAR EYELINER...WE LISTEN TO GERARD WAY! I FEEL SORRY FOR MCR, GC AND AMY LEE...HECK I FEEL SORRY FOR J.K. ROWLING! YOU'VE BASICALLY EMBARRASED THEM ALL!

FLAMING ! YOU'VE SERIOUSLY US OFF!

- God, some people just don't understand lulz.

..Ha. I just went through and answered to the ones I felt stood out among the rest. Well.. since most of them consisted of "Don't breed" etc., and the majority of them were either "I HATE YOU SO MUCH YOU'VE SERIOUSLY PISSED ME OFF" or "LOL THIS TROLL IS AWESOME", I didn't have much to choose from. :D


End file.
